BY: LIZ HARDIE
Scars on your skin, scars on your soul deep within
Every scar tells a story, the scars on the inside are stories you’ve hidden
A past you were too afraid to speak of
Pain and hurt cause by many, they said they cared about you and some supposedly loved you
Sexual assaults, two monsters, left scars so deep, they completely damaged me
Hurt deep inside for years, I held my tongue, the light I no longer did see
My self worth and self confidence ruined, I no longer had any strength
Fake smiles and laughs seemed easier, the pain inside I would hide at any length
Darkness followed me, more scars on the soul caused by hidden evil
More abuse, this time emotional, some physical, my soul was far from peaceful
Pushed and shoved around, though no outside marks or scars could be seen
Words and actions, left me hopeless, questioning my please, my whole being
Being told, “Too Chubby”, “Not Good Enough”, “Too Bitchy”, “Not Supportive”, “Not Pretty Enough”, “Too Plain”
Feeling worthless my whole life and having no strength to respond, I believed every word they were saying.
No voice to speak up, as my soul was darkened, tired, weak
Being stabbed from those I thought cared, as much as I wanted to I still couldn’t speak
The abuse I have endured is damaging, a dangerous, permanent aftermath
People think that once your internal wounds heal and become scars, any deep emotional pain will pass
Learning to pickup the pieces of my damaged soul, the damaged human I had become
That type of pain does not just pass, it is a trauma, may never pass and may never make sense to some
Shame I felt from the actions that occurred, never feeling worthy or good enough for anyone
Confidence was taken along with my self esteem, trying to build them back up, easier said than done
Nightmares, flashbacks and triggers that cause panic attacks and deep sadness in my soul
The wounds deep inside may be scars now, though the pain that passe somedays is unwanted and cruel
Protecting my soul from scars, trust in myself is increased, trust in others I still lack
Someday I hope I can completely see and feel my worth and strength, my confidence, courage brought back
Trauma, Assault, Abuse, it is a part of my story, the reason my soul has scars
Everyday I try to regain a part of me, nothing and no one defines me, I am no longer stuck behind bars
Questioning myself and others continues, unfortunately the scars have left me to lack confidence in most
I don’t owe anyone an explanation, a reason for why I am me, if I’m ever off or lost
My scars, my stories, most kept hidden for almost thirty years
Battling demons most never knew, working to build myself up after being torn down, wiping away tears
I am trying my best to not allow others to make me feel empty, I must remain strong
Standing strong and confident, although anxious, happiness will find me and calm will last all my life long