BY: LIZ HARDIE
We have all heard the saying “You must forgive and forget”, but yet you still find it hard to let go of any grudges and bitterness
For years you have despised and you did not want to forgive the many people who have hurt, lied, cheated, or mistreated you
How can you forgive someone who has never actually apologized or asked for forgiveness
Realizing that you had true strength when you could finally forgive yet the blame was still being put forth on you
You look at your beautiful children and you think, “What are you teaching them if you hold onto so much anger and resentment?”
They need to always see and feel love and know that forgiveness opens you up for love, growth and healing
You truly wish you would have believed this sooner, but you felt numb and your internal pain, anger and hurt was too much
As a mother, the respect, kindness and generosity your children have already shown to unexpecting and undeserving people, is so fulfilling
So are you holding out, still not willing to forgive those people in the past and present who hurt you
Research does say that forgiveness can help to free you from the control of the person who caused harm, lessening the acts grip on you
Never understanding why anyone hurts or harms another, you will be sure to never be controlled again, this you know is true
As as you may forgive, you refuse to reconcile with harmful people, yet you will be cordial for your own mental health, self esteem and peace too
Forgiveness can be very hard and can take time, months or years, remember it is a process
Once you finally make the decisions to forgive someone, in the process you may find yourself revisiting past hurts
When you revisit these, those who hurt you will need to be forgiven again and again, so take it all in and reflect on all your feelings
You may never fully be convinced that you have forgiven everyone who has wronged you, I am slowly growing in the years since my finalized divorce
Everyone of us has different opinions on forgiveness, you have to feel it is right, you have to want to do it, know what it is for and have to understand why you are forgiving
Forgiveness does not mean we are weak, condoning the mistreatment nor are you forgetting that it happened
When you make the choice to forgive those who have hurt or mistreated you, you are choosing to respect yourself, taking a stand, finally stating clear boundaries
Making this choice opens your eyes and makes you realize who actually cared, maybe felt some remorse and was apologetic for their actions
It made clear those who were just plain mean, pathetic, narcissistic and evil, showing you that they do not deserve any ounce of your time
To forgive them was actually easier, although you took your time and you made sure you no longer resented them for how they treated or what they did
You would never tell anyone what to do, but you can say that being able to forgive others who hurt is on a different level, a different kind of emotional healing
Featured Image: Brett Jordan at https://unsplash.com/@brett_jordan