BY: LIZ HARDIE
A definition of self-confidence is trusting in your own judgment, capacities and abilities, to value yourself
Feeling worthy, regardless of any imperfections or what others may believe about you
Lacking self-confidence and self-worth from a young age, for many reasons I have not fully dealt with
Knowing that dealing with these will make me bloom, facing all head on has been my task to pursue
In the present, I am not even close to the confident woman I want to be, I question myself everyday
Knowing I am strong and have endured many tough times, my confidence and worth have plateaued
Writing is an outlet for me and sometimes I look back at my writing and I am so full emotions
At certain times believing I am in a good spot, but in reality there is still so much farther to go
Trying to find the positives and negatives in my confidence levels now, to see where I need work
Professionally I feel very confident, I know that the work I put out and the employee I am, has merit
I stand up for myself, give 100%, admit to mistakes yet improve on them, never dismissing a compliment
Being recognized for hard work is accepted graciously, never hiding from it or become embarrassed
On a personal level, I am drastically lacking confidence and worth, always staying in my comfort zone
Rarely do I look at myself and think that I am beautiful or smart, I see all my weaknesses and flaws
Not having a perfect body, perfect scores, perfect job, perfect relationship, feeling I say the wrong things
Living as others wanted me to, fitting in to avoid confrontation, ignoring kind words and applause
Compliments just make me feel uncomfortable and uneasy, as that is not the person I see
Often wondering why anyone would compliment flaws, thinking there may be an ulterior motive
Both worth and confidence has been stolen from me, very slowly trying to learn to gain it back
When anyone says “You look pretty” this does not build my confidence, I see it as manipulative
This is the twisted mentality I have when it comes to looking at myself and what I see staring back
Excessive compliments and praise are irritating, always thinking there is something wicked behind it
I’m working hard to appreciate others words, appreciate my body, focus on my strengths
Embracing who I am as a whole, being confident in my skin, finally beating my self-image conflict
For anyone who deals with any confidence or worth issues, I deeply feel their pain, their confusion
I know what you feel, the good days, the bad days, the terrible days, everyday smiling through it all
People may say they understand and maybe they do, but many say it just to try to make you feel better
Others will praise and compliment you more, not realizing these are setbacks, as you build up your wall
Hearing and believing them are two different things, so you smile and walk behind the wall you built
A wall protecting you or at least you thought it protected you, but the evil never stayed out
Although the evil got in, you continue to keep the wall up as it builds your strength, just not confidence
I know to build my self confidence the wall will have to come down, but in others I have so much doubt
Truly I am not sure if I will ever have total self-confidence in myself, fully loving the person I am
One thing I learned is to be more thankful for what I do have, to see the blessings I have been given
This is just a small step, but it is progress, I need to realize there is no such thing as perfect
Instead of feeding the negatives, start feeding the positives, and be a strong, confident woman